Stuck here
by rdegrassif
Summary: Eli's sister comes back from boarding school, to find new happiness. Will her disability get in the way of her dreams, or will she finally find love?
1. Chapter 1

I've always been stuck. In a box. A silent box. I can only hear myself. I see what I need to hear. I taste what i need to hear. I feel what I need to hear. But its not the same. Not the same at all.

My name is A.J. Goldsworthy. No, I'm a girl. I guess. I don't have the traits of a girl. I dont talk so much my throat hurts. In fact, I barely seem to talk at all. I don't like dresses, or any type of heels. Don't worry, I DO dress like a female. I like jeans, and a t-shirt. Any thing that covers my body properly.

Let me tell you a little more about myself... I am 14 years old. I have curly dark hair down to my butt. I have green eyes. So does my brother. I look like a black cat. In some ways, I am cat. I am quick stepped, when i cross your path I'm guarantee you bad luck, and I hate water. I used to love it, but after the accident, I have kind of learned to stay away from it.

I am legally deaf. I can hear, but need hearing aids. Everyone sounds like they either are talking mesh, or whispering. I usually communicate using sign language. I don't mind it. But its a hassle for my family. They all have to learn it too. They never admitted it, But I always was a hassle.

At 12, I was a depressed deaf child. At 13, I tried to kill myself thrice. I failed. But it did get me sent away to "deaf school." It was a boarding school in queens for the "disabled". I've been even MORE depressed. 8 weeks ago, I got a letter from my mom. She said that the whole family was moving to Ontario, Canada. We originally lived in Quebec. Then she broke the great news. I was moving with them. I was getting out of this hell hole they called a school. She said I would be going to this school called Degrassi, with Eli, my brother, who had a Already been going there for 3 months. I couldn't wait to see my best friend, who is my brother, again.

I walked in with my bags, looking at the all new house. Morty was out front, god, I remember when he got that contraption he calls a car. Right after Julia, my best friend, and Eli's girlfriend, died in a car accident. My mom came from the kitchen, a dishtowel thrown over her shoulder. She looked up, and a grin from ear to ear spread across her wrinkled face. "I'm home!" I tried to say. I threw my bags down and leaped into my moms arms. I really was home.

"Dads not home from work yet, and Eli's in school. But, but, I'm so happy your home!" Mom said and signed. "Come, lets go unpack your stuff." We each grabbed two bags and I followed my mother upstairs. She showed my empty room. It was violet and baby blue my favorite colors. The room still smelt like paint. "I love it!" I signed. "Get yourself settled while I run out to my book club meeting. Eli should come home in about an hour. Remember, It's a surprise." She signed. I quickly nodded and she walked out the door. I started unpacking, getting more and more excited about my new year. It will be better. I feel it.

Later that day, felt the vibration of the door close. I got up slowly and came downstairs. Eli was sitting on the kitchen counter biting into an apple. I ran in smiling. He jumped off and dropped the apple, so he could squish me in his arms. "Your home!" He yelled so loud, I hear him almost perfectly. "I know!" I laughed. "Are you going to Degrassi?" He signed. "Of course!" I signed. He smiled, his signature half smile, the same exact one I have. "You'll love it." "I know I will."

The next day Eli made me sit in the back, so we could make room for this girl Eli couldn't stop talking about all night. "You'll love her!" He signed. What was her name? Caroline? Catherine? Clare? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Clare. We drove up to a brownstone town-house, With a light brown door and a large window. Eli pushed his hand on the wheel, which, I'm guessing, made a honking noise. This short girl with short chestnut hair walked out, wearing a jean dress (ew) and flats. She had bright blue eyes that looked like rain drops. She was beautiful, and you could practically see the spark in Eli's eye when she walked out. I had never seen him like this since Julia. I wondered if he told her about Julia. I wondered if she cared. I wondered if she was nice. I wondered if Eli told her about me. I also wondered if Eli told her about my uhm, issue.

Clare got in the car smiling and turned around to look at me. She mouthed something, but I could not hear her. I made a confused face and looked at Eli. Eli turned around blushing, signing, "Say hi."I tried to say it. I knew I sounded dumb, because I cant hear myself, I cant control how it comes out. Was I yelling? This was so embarrassing. I was pissed. How could Eli not tell her? I looked out the window the rest of the way. I glanced at Clare, who looked embarrassed also. We got to school, where Eli showed me the front desk. Usually, you are supposed to register yourself, but in my case, Eli registered for me. He showed me my locker and my first class. Even though I was disabled and 14, I was put in all grade 10 classes, because my old schools curriculum was a year ahead of all others so we could get out of high school and get on with our lives. Clare was in my class, So she showed me where to sit. I thanked her and sat down. Mr. Simpson spoke very loudly so I could hear him, barely. All I heard was my name, then he beckoned me to stand up. I stood up and smiled. He looked like he was waiting for me to talk about myself, but I didn't because I was embarrassed of my voice. No one needs a deaf kid screaming in your ear. I looked around the classroom and only saw one boy. He had short brown hair, and puppy dog brown eyes. I was a sucker for those eyes. The thing about deaf people is, all of their other sense's become much sharper. I could see this boys pain, memories, and heart ache. I felt it. I felt a connection I only have with my brother. He grinned at me, then I realized I was still standing up. I quickly sat down, blushing.

After class, the boy walked up to me and waved. I guess he didn't know I was basically deaf so he started talking. I made a confused face so he would get it. But he didn't catch on. I tried to read his lips and saw the name K.C. That's funny, because I have an abbreviated name too. K.C.+A.J. Cute. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around, and saw Eli. I could tell he was being protective by his facial expressions. "I have a lot more to show you, A.J. Lets go." He signed. I turned to look at K.C. His smile disappeared and he looked surprised and embarrassed for trying to talk to me. Eli dragged me away, but I turned my head back and smiled, and i saw K.C.'s grin reappear. Today, isn't going too bad.

The rest of the school day, I couldn't wait to find K.C. and TRY to talk to him. I think I'm getting the hang of reading lips. Finally the last bell rang, and I ran out of the classroom, scoping out the hallway looking for K.C. I saw the top of his head at the end of the hallway turning right. I started walking fast until I caught up to him. I grabbed his shoulder and he turned around. "Hi." I tried to spit out. He waved, being conscious not to speak. "Sorry earliar my brather is just shawing mey arouwnd." I tried to say quietly. I wish I could learn to speak better. "I know a little sign language". He signed. I relaxed and smiled. Hm, I should probably keep this simple. "So, You like degrassi?" I signed. "yes." I smiled. I felt someone walking up towards me, I suspected it was Eli, pulling another "protective brother" move, bit instead it was Clare. She waved at me so I waved back. She started talking to K.C. All I heard Was little sister, and really nice. So I guess Clare isn't that bad. She smiled and walked off. "You know Clare?" I signed. "Yeah, we went out for a little bit last year." Maybe his sign language isn't that bad. "So, do you think you could tell me some things about degrassi?" I signed. He looked confused. I laughed. I guess He isn't that good. "Do you want to work on your sign language with me at the Dot?" He smiled. "Tomorrow after school?" He nodded. I smiled and walked away. I still had to pick up my uniform at the front desk. Eli said it was basically his fault for them because of Fitz and the knife he wrote about in his letters, But I never thought they would be this strict. I was given a purple shirt and I.D. tag with my full name on it. Alyson Joan Goldsworthy. In the far bottom corner it said, "Legally disabled." I felt this steam fill my body. I clenched The uniform and walked outside. I can't remember how long it has been since I have been this pissed. I felt the steam, trying to find a way out. I walked out to Eli's car and got in. He was already in the drivers seat waiting for me. I threw the uniform at him so he would read it. I didn't feel like have to tell someone my feelings through my hands. Tears started rolling down my burning cheek, and I felt like screaming. Eli gave me a concerned look, knowing what I was feeling. Then, suddenly, I felt his anger also. I wasn't alone. He didn't bother trying to calm me down or "talking" to me. He just hugged me as I cried. I hated my life. I felt bad that Eli knew I hated my life. We drove home in total silence, my hands on my lap. We pulled into our driveway and Eli locked the car doors so I couldn't get out. "I need to talk to you, A.J. I know this is hard, but you are a big girl. You can handle this. You've handled so much. I love you, and you need to know I care, and we can get through this." As the last tear dropped I smiled. Eli wiped my cheek with his hand and we hugged. He is the only person in the world who understands.


	2. Chapter 2

I get out of Morty with dried tearstains on my eyes. I walk up our porch, my wet converse squeaking from each step because of the rain. Eli follows me into the kitchen where I grab his "after school apple" and toss it to him. He smiles and hops on the counter to take a huge bit out of it. I grab my backpack and run upstairs. I close the door so no one can bug me. I sit on my new bed and try to do my homework. Although I usually have no problems with school, I just can't seem to concentrate. I look at my textbook and all I see or think of is K.C.'s smile. His laugh. The way his lips move. The way he stands. The way he dresses. I just love it all. Ugh. Get a hold of yourself. You've talked to the guy, what, twice? This is ridiculous. Yet, his face never left my complicated brain. I feel people walking around down stairs. Maybe Dad is home. I run down stairs to say hello, but as I am halfway down the stairs I see Eli laughing with… K.C. I grin and run down the stairs. They both turn around to look at me. K.C. Waves and starts getting a grin as large as mine. Eli doesn't look too happy. "You guys know each other?" He says and signs. "Yeah!" I see K.C.'s lips move to say. He has one hand in his pocket. God I love that. "Well, we better get to studying!" Eli says and signs then walks off. K.C. And I are left standing there alone. "Are we still on for tomorrow night?" He signs. I nod. My smile is plastered on my face. We just stare at each other for god knows how long. I felt him looking deep into my green eyes. "I like your eyes." He signs. I don't feel the need to respond. Eli suddenly ruins to moment by grabbing K.C.'s shoulder. "Study!" I see his lips say strictly. K.C. Waves and is grabbed by Eli into the kitchen. Ugh. I can't believe he is doing this again. I run back upstairs to finish my homework. I roll my eyes and smile. In the last 24 hours, I already have crush. Oh god. I laugh to myself and start to study.

On my first Saturday, I get up and go for a jog like I usually do. Because I am "deaf." The school gym thinks that it is an excuse to, not partake in any afterschool activities, and no gym. I loved gym. I loved field hockey. I loved basketball. I was the star of all of my teams. It was, my calling. My favorite sport, was surfing. Every summer, my family would find time to visit my cousins in Hawaii. They moved there the year I was born, and so every summer we would go there for my birthday. My present was surfing. I wanted to move to Hawaii when I was older just to surf. I entered all kinds of contests and won all of them. One day, August 15, 2005, I entered this contest. As I got up on the wave. I slipped. I totally wiped out… but I was fine. I was offered another chance. I waited belly down on my surfboard in the water waiting for the perfect wave. There it was. It was huge. Everyone yelled not to take it. It was too dangerous. I took it. I tried ride it, it was gorgeous. Suddenly, I fell again. But this time, the wave and the surfboard took me down. I had gotten caught in a huge rock. As I tried to untie it, another wave came and smashed my right ear into the rock. Ouch. Then another one came smashing my left ear. Ouch. I started to get woozy. I needed air. Suddenly everything went black. I woke up in the hospital. I had throbbing pain in both ears. "Mom?" I said weakly. "Yes?" She looked up from her magazine. Her voice was so very distant. Then, she said something else. I couldn't hear her. "What" I said. "I can't hear anything!" I screamed. Eli ran out of the room. Later, he came in with a doctor. They told me I became deaf. I could never fully hear again. I screamed and cried. And screamed some more. My mother cried. Eli even cried. My father almost cried. Which was a big deal because he never cried at all. I was nine. I hated my life. And I was deaf.


	3. Chapter 3

The cold air against my skin felt magical, the feeling of my feet hitting the concrete felt overwhelmingly good. I ran around a big house on the corner, a block away from out new house. I look at the huge, rundown Victorian house and see K.C. Guthrie walk out the door. I watched as he flipped his warm brown hair and zip up his sweatshirt. He is so- wham. I trip over the concrete and fall right on my knee. I only skinned it a little bit, but it was bleeding like hell. I look over at K.C. hoping, no, praying he didn't see my wipeout. Of course he did. He looked concerned and ran over to me. "Are you okay' he yelled? "Yeah, yeah." I tried to say. He smirked and examined my knee. He lightly touched my arm. I got up with him and sat on his porch. He ran inside and grabbed a wet paper towel. He got back up and applied pressure to my knee. I smiled. It was getting hot so I pulled off my north face. I noticed my tank top was slightly big and showed the top of my bra. I blushed and pulled it up unsuccessfully. We both started laughing, and laughing, until we forgot why we were laughing. It was so funny, we started to tear. Finally, when the laughing stopped, I realized my knee has stopped bleeding. I saw K.C. realized it, but kept his hand on my knee. I did the signature Goldsworthy smirk and slide closer to him. Before we knew it, our lips touched and we made out for, like, a half in hour. I was afraid my parents would think I got kit by a car or something, so finally pulled away. Are we on for later? I signed. He nodded dreamily. We kissed quickly and I walked off. My knee still hurt, but I didn't care. I ran 5 more blocks and then ran home. I saw Eli on the phone sitting on the kitchen counter. He glanced at me and then said goodbye, and hung up he phone. That was a long jog this morning, speedy Gonzales. He signed. I met up with a friend I signed. I smiled sheepishly. He messed up my hair a little bit and ran up stairs. I jumped on the kitchen counter. Best. Day. Ever.


End file.
